I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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