If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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