Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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