I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
