they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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