I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
