but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
the raccoons are back...
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