i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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