i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
