We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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