hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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