That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
