just tell him i said nine months
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
