Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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