Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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