i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
