Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
