My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
