I accidentally burped into my bong.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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