CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
