Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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