The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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