If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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