rhymes with "ouble enetration"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
