You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
