Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
