i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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