she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
