hotel room ftw
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
