Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
