I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
