Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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