I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
