True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
