I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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