she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
