she was so not down for the gang bang
She said her name was "party"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
