dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
