Im at strip club and am horny
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
