i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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