Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
