There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
where does the pee come out of this thing
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
