There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
