you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
