just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
