I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
