Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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