It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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