why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have surprise drugs for everyone
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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