A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
