Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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