peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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