I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
