Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
