I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
