i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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