Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The air was thick with penises
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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