Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
